Admit it.
Also, this is the first time I've used gifs. Forgive me if they're stupid.
I digress.
There was
once a girl. (Such a unique way of beginning, I know)
She was a
stay-at-home mom. In the mornings, she would wake up, put the fixings for
dinner into the crock pot, follow a cleaning schedule, and even baked two
loaves of bread before the kids even woke up. Then she dutifully homeschooled
her kids, fixed a sensible dinner with vegetables and everything.
She
couponed religiously.
For the
love of all that’s holy, that girl used to cross-stitch. CROSS-STITCH.
And she did that thing—like—she wore real clothes, not yoga pants, sports bra and a tank top all day. She brushed her hair and sometimes even—GASP—put on make-up.
Such a
goody two shoes. I mean seriously, the girl was such a kiss ass.
She got
the bright idea to write a book and never looked back.
Now her
knees ache (what is that about?) her elbows pop randomly, and she carries
around drops for her constantly dry eyes and Tums for her constant heartburn.
For a
little over two years now, I’ve been consumed by this thing called writing. It’s
the first thing I think about in the morning. Sometimes I dream about it.
Sometimes I do that Walter Mitty thing and just space out completely.
And I
love it. It’s been such a blessing to us.
We used
to live paycheck to paycheck, no savings in sight. My husband worked his arse
off and I did editing jobs here and there to bring in a little extra. We saw no
hope for anything more in sight. But we were content.
Then I
found writing.
There’s
no other career I’d rather have in the world.
The thing
is—I miss that Lila that I used to know. She collected her records and changed her
number on me. I miss her homemade pasta Alfredo. I miss her little keychain
chapstick holders that she used to sew on the side. There’s some remnants of
her around here. Her menus are still in the perfectly organized Household
Notebook she used to maintain. There’s an untouched coupon holder that misses
me—my checkbook misses it too.
I began to feel like a failure as a mom and a wife and everything that wasn't writerly.
I began to feel like a failure as a mom and a wife and everything that wasn't writerly.
*sigh*
I miss
that girl.
So my new
mission is to work her back into my life—slowly.
Like so
slow, she won’t even notice.
Hopefully
I won’t either.
I’m
starting in October by not eating out anymore. We used to eat out at most once
or twice a month.
Little by
little, maybe I can be a good mix of the Lila I love now and the Lila I used to
know and love.
Maybe.
I’m
trying.
It's all about balance. Which is incredibly hard. Little by little.
It's all about balance. Which is incredibly hard. Little by little.
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