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Some Lila That I Used To Know

You're singing now, aren't you?

Admit it.

Also, this is the first time I've used gifs. Forgive me if they're stupid.

I digress.

There was once a girl. (Such a unique way of beginning, I know)

She was a stay-at-home mom. In the mornings, she would wake up, put the fixings for dinner into the crock pot, follow a cleaning schedule, and even baked two loaves of bread before the kids even woke up. Then she dutifully homeschooled her kids, fixed a sensible dinner with vegetables and everything.

She couponed religiously.

For the love of all that’s holy, that girl used to cross-stitch. CROSS-STITCH.

And she did that thing—like—she wore real clothes, not yoga pants, sports bra and a tank top all day. She brushed her hair and sometimes even—GASP—put on make-up.

Don’t get excited, it wasn’t that often.

She used to shower twice a day and dance with her kids in the kitchen to cheesy eighties music.

Such a goody two shoes. I mean seriously, the girl was such a kiss ass.

What happened to her?

She got the bright idea to write a book and never looked back.

She basically became a typing lump—in the best way possible.

Everything else went away.

Now her knees ache (what is that about?) her elbows pop randomly, and she carries around drops for her constantly dry eyes and Tums for her constant heartburn.

She’s now ADDICTED to coffee.

For a little over two years now, I’ve been consumed by this thing called writing. It’s the first thing I think about in the morning. Sometimes I dream about it. Sometimes I do that Walter Mitty thing and just space out completely.

And I love it. It’s been such a blessing to us.

We used to live paycheck to paycheck, no savings in sight. My husband worked his arse off and I did editing jobs here and there to bring in a little extra. We saw no hope for anything more in sight. But we were content.

Then I found writing.

There’s no other career I’d rather have in the world.

And the fact that someone, anyone reads my books just blows my mind day after day.

The thing is—I miss that Lila that I used to know. She collected her records and changed her number on me. I miss her homemade pasta Alfredo. I miss her little keychain chapstick holders that she used to sew on the side. There’s some remnants of her around here. Her menus are still in the perfectly organized Household Notebook she used to maintain. There’s an untouched coupon holder that misses me—my checkbook misses it too.

I began to feel like a failure as a mom and a wife and everything that wasn't writerly.

*sigh*

I miss that girl.

So my new mission is to work her back into my life—slowly.

Like so slow, she won’t even notice.

Hopefully I won’t either.

I’m starting in October by not eating out anymore. We used to eat out at most once or twice a month.

Now the lady at the Chinese place knows my name. And I'm all about the pizza. 

Little by little, maybe I can be a good mix of the Lila I love now and the Lila I used to know and love.

Maybe.

I’m trying.

It's all about balance. Which is incredibly hard. Little by little.

 Is there somebody that you used to know?

Throwback Thursday: Sparrows For Free

There are skeletons in every closet. Some stay quiet—and some rule your soul with an iron fist.

Ezra is ruled by the ghosts of his past—and needled by the guilt they create. Not only does he have to manage his own guilt—his friends are forced to bear the weight as well. He lives in limbo, never dreaming of anything that lies beyond the grave.

In his mind, he’s a murderer, pure and simple.

Hide and seek is Aysa’s game. She begs for small spaces and empty places. But, she secretly desires so much more.

When they find each other, a hope for something new is sprung.

But Ezra’s skeletons are out for blood.

“I hide shock well. I’m a pro at hiding. I have no idea that whatever he had to tell me would be so personal—so heartbreaking. But, I quickly remembered that heartbreak was all around him every time he turned around. He needs no more empathy or sympathy in his life. He craves someone to give him a different take on a tired situation.

And different is practically my middle name.”

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Tuesday Teaser from Dethroning Crown

I'm deperately trying to finish Dethroning Crown.

Here's your teaser for today! Enjoy! (unedited)

While we worked out in the backyard, I looked to Lyra’s windows every chance I got. I didn’t understand my obsession. I was stuck on her—needing to know what she was doing or what carb-loaded thing she was eating or if she was scared again.

She hadn’t said anything about the night before and I hadn’t brought it up.

Between sets, my eyes were locked on her back door.

Every noise made me think she was coming outside.

Blake was making me do some weird squat things and after about four, I heard a snort and turned around to see him laughing his ass off. His shoulders were shaking and even his damned nostrils were flaring.

What a dill weed.

“What’s so funny?”

That caused a whole new round of laughing and knee slapping.

“Don’t you ever—ever—bag on me for getting calls from my wife. Ever!”

My eyebrows scrunched together. “What?”

“You are so caught up in what’s going on with the girl next door that you don’t even know what you’re doing. We stopped doing squats three sets ago. I’m over here doing stretches and you’re back to squats with your eyes on her window. Stalker, much?”

“Shut up. At least I don’t get calls from my ‘beautiful wife’ ten times a day.”

He huffed. “It’s gorgeous wife. And you look like a phone call from her would just make your day. I have six brothers, Crown. I know that look when I see it.”

“You don’t know shit.”

Blake went through some more exercises that he wanted me to do on my own. By the time we were finished, I was exhausted. Carrying around that bum knee was more work than soccer ever was.

“Get some rest. You still tapering off on the meds?”

He started making notes about me again. I hated when he did that.

“I’m just taking them mainly at night when it starts swelling.”

He nodded. “

Well, ice it down now and if you need to take one before night, do it.”

“Yeah. How long has it been?”

“You’ve been here three weeks today. But you’re back on schedule since you got off your ass. So, maybe just another three weeks and you’re out of here. Back to your celebrity status.”

A blaze of concern shot through me. Three weeks wasn’t a lot of time.

I needed more time with her—to get as much publicity as possible, of course.

Nothing else.

Nothing more.

I didn't even believe myself.

Brazing Is Now Live! And Striking only 99cents!

Tate Halloway lives life to the fullest. She had a rough childhood and a rougher adolescence. Now that she’s away at school and on her own for the first time in her life, nothing can hold her back from making the most out of every single day. Well, just that one thing. But she refuses to think about. And why would she, when life is so much more fun when you’re living it, experiencing every little thing.

When she bumps into Bridger Wright, a childhood friend that was both a bully and a serious crush, she starts to see that not everyone thinks like her. She’s always had a thing for Bridger, but the guy she catches up with is a far cry from the little boy that used to put toads down her dress and pull her ponytails. She knows there’s more to Bridger than this sulking, disconnected version of him and she’s bound and determined to pull it out of him.

Bridger Wright has been spurned in love more than once. He always seems to trust the wrong girls and end up with a broken heart. He’s tired of it. And he has resolved himself to a life without love. He believes he’s better off, if only he could convince Tate too. Tate bursts into Bridger’s life like sunlight through clouds. She’s vivacious, energetic and adventurous. But she’s not without secrets. Just as Bridger starts to open up to her demanding presence and the feelings he can’t seem to deny, his trust is broken again.

Bridger and Tate are forced to face each other and the pain of their past. Neither wants to face their demons and deal with their hurt, but neither can deny the depth of their feelings for each other.

Their brazing love will take work and sacrifice. Both are capable of giving to each other. Both will have to decide whether or not it’s worth it.

AMAZON  GOODREADS

Don’t forget you can get STRIKING (book 1) for only 99 cents!

Can two hearts be forged into one?

Cami Montgomery stole a car and smashed it into the front of a building in upscale Beverly Hills after a lousy date with the epitome of sleaze balls. The worst part, her parents are following through on threats after this latest plea for attention. Banished from her L.A. paradise and plunged into the Appalachian Mountains with her industrious aunt and uncle, Cami is about to find out how precious life really is.

Stockton Wright has been thrust into a hard life. He sacrifices everything to give his family and community what they need. He’s exhausted from life and work—and he’s only twenty four. What he needs is some change, and some sunshine. Even he will agree to that. He just doesn’t expect to find it in a stuck up, pompous, entitled Californian.

Cami bursts into Stockton’s life like wildfire, consuming all his thoughts and tangling him in her web. What starts out as a contentious rivalry evolves into a desire neither of them expected. When hammer meets metal, will they crack under pressure or be forged as one?

Cami and Stockton might just end up being exactly what the other one needs, but first their love will have to be drawn out in fire.

AMAZON  GOODREADS

Throwback Thursday: STRIKING

Can two hearts be forged into one?

Cami Montgomery stole a car and smashed it into the front of a building in upscale Beverly Hills after a lousy date with the epitome of sleaze balls. The worst part, her parents are following through on threats after this latest plea for attention. Banished from her L.A. paradise and plunged into the Appalachian Mountains with her industrious aunt and uncle, Cami is about to find out how precious life really is.

Stockton Wright has been thrust into a hard life. He sacrifices everything to give his family and community what they need. He’s exhausted from life and work—and he’s only twenty four. What he needs is some change, and some sunshine. Even he will agree to that. He just doesn’t expect to find it in a stuck up, pompous, entitled Californian.

Cami bursts into Stockton’s life like wildfire, consuming all his thoughts and tangling him in her web. What starts out as a contentious rivalry evolves into a desire neither of them expected. When hammer meets metal, will they crack under pressure or be forged as one?

Cami and Stockton might just end up being exactly what the other one needs, but first their love will have to be drawn out in fire.

AMAZON   GOODREADS

Sparrows For Free 99 Cents This Weekend Only

Ezra is ruled by the ghosts of his past—and needled by the guilt they create. Not only does he have to manage his own guilt—his friends are forced to bear the weight as well. He lives in limbo, never dreaming of anything that lies beyond the grave.

In his mind, he’s a murderer, pure and simple.

Hide and seek is Aysa’s game. She begs for small spaces and empty places. But, she secretly desires so much more.

When they find each other, a hope for something new is sprung.

But Ezra’s skeletons are out for blood.

“No, I’m sorry because I’m about to kiss you. I shouldn’t. I should stay away from you. I’m just gonna break you. I’m gonna ruin you and maybe ruin us both.”

“Maybe I want to be ruined.”

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Throwback Thursday: Seeking Havok

Her life is just as messed up as her name.

All she wanted was a friend---one that knew her and not her circumstances. She needed somewhere to call home. Hers was an open door for countless men looking for the services her mother offered them. She camouflaged herself against lockers and blackboards to avoid the stares and whispers at school.

And then she found Cal...and Fade.

Cal lives like Frankenstein, rising at night to work and just trying to make it until dawn. He avoids most relationships, afraid of the things he will be asked to do. He moonlights as Fade, a radio station DJ who spends hours counseling his peers on their troubles. It was all mundane until Jocelyn called the station.

Cal and Havok pursue a friendship.

Jocelyn and Fade pursue a relationship beyond the confines of the radio waves.

But when Havok disappears, Cal will find that Havok has been guarding a lifetime worth of secrets. And when Fade and Jocelyn’s all night phone conversations cease, he finds a link between them he never saw coming.

AMAZON   GOODREADS

Throwback Thursday: Emerge

Jenna has spent too long being complacent and accepting. Her mother and step-father constantly belittle and berate her for simply being alive. She passes through life keeping everyone and everything at arm’s length because it’s just not worth the questions or the pity party. She takes what they dish out and just tries to survive.

She has thought up a million different ways to get away from them, but lacked the motivation and the sheer will. Like a fast moving tornado, her motivation comes in the form of a boy who cares for her as none other has and who shows her a glimpse of hope, a glimpse into a life she never thought she could have.

But is her new motivation enough to get her out…

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***

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to him and really I was waiting for him to say that it was all too much. I was waiting for him to admit that I wasn’t worth the fight, wasn’t worth the hassle. Wasn’t worth the time and energy needed to deal with my drama.